On Travel

I really like to travel, even just short weekend trips around the UK. I always email B&Bs in advance to say that I’m a vegetarian and that M can’t eat dairy or soya and to make sure that that’s not a problem.

Many places are accommodating, asking what they can have on hand instead and so on. But some places behave really oddly, saying they can’t help or telling us to bring our own items. I’m not sure how hard it really is for B&B-owners to go buy a carton of rice milk, but the attitude of not being willing to even try really puts me off. One B&B emailed me, in response to my inquiry, “It’s £85 per night. Bring your own drinks/spreads.” For £85 a night, I think you can buy some oat milk, no?

One place said it would be fine to accommodate the vegetarian diet but when we got there, all they had was an English breakfast for me, minus the bacon and sausage. In other words, they hadn’t even attempted to get vegetarian sausages or a potato croquette or anything. There was just a lack of thought (then again, this place also didn’t seem to see the point in putting toilet paper in the bathroom, so their carelessness was endemic).

Vegetarianism is so common today, as is having food allergies/intolerances, so I don’t have a lot of sympathy for people in the hotel trade who act as though I’m putting them out. I always give them advance notice and, frankly, for the cost of a room at a nice B&B, I think they should try to please the customer.

Happy Birthday, M!

Today is my beloved wife’s birthday, so I just want to wish her a wonderful day. She makes every day a joy – I feel like the luckiest person in the world because I wake up next to her.

So here’s to you, M. Many, many more happy and healthy birthdays to you.

I love you!

Eating for Health

I’ve been a vegetarian for over a dozen years now and for some time before that I only ate chicken and fish. My family thought – and still thinks – that it’s “weird” and “unhealthy” to be a vegetarian. They often make comments about what I eat (or don’t eat) and tell me it’s impossible for me to be healthy as a vegetarian.

Actually, however, I have fibromyalgia, so the situation for me is different than it is for my nay-saying relatives. The fibro was extremely bad during my undergraduate years. Doctors put me on so many medications that I felt spacey and drugged out for much of the time. There are months that I can scarcely remember.

Then one doctor suggested I try cutting meat out completely. I’d long considered vegetarianism for ethical reasons, but it was simply too difficult in my family, because of a strict father who would not have permitted me to eat something different for dinner than he ate. But then I had permission – even encouragement – from a doctor. My father was not going to argue with a doctor.

Okay, the doctor also suggested I cut out bread. I tried that but it was hard to give up, so that didn’t last.

The vegetarianism did last, though. I found that I definitely had less muscle pain with a vegetarian diet. I was able to do the ethical thing and also take care of my health. I went off all medications (except the occasional over-the-counter pain-reliever), I slept better (still not brilliantly, I must admit), and the pain was nowhere near as bad.

I still had to deal with complaints and derision from my family (who sometimes take pleasure in taunting me by showing me the big steaks they are eating and/or making animal noises while they chow down on lamb chops or pork roasts), but I moved away from my hometown and was able to take complete control over my diet.

Mentally and physically, vegetarianism has been very healthy for me indeed.

300th Post

This is just a digression to note that this is my 300^th post. Over the course of two and half years and over three hundred different recipes (and many more meals than that, obviously), my beloved M has been with me. She’s my sous chef and my taste-tester and my appreciative audience. Most importantly, she’s my amazing, gorgeous, kind wife. Thanks to her for being who and what she is.

And thanks to you for reading this and trying out my recipes!

On Marriage

By the time you read this, M and I will have gotten married. I’ve been so lucky to have M in my life for innumerable reasons, and I’m looking forward to many more years together. I love you, M! You’ve been an amazing partner so far and I am sure you are going to be the best wife imaginable. Thank you for being you.

Happy Anniversary, M!

This is the day when I met my beloved M, so excuse this digression while I brag about how wonderful she is and how lucky I am to have met her.

Like many people, I’ve had a number of relationships, some better than others. But I was never with anyone that I knew I wanted to continue to be with as long as possible. I was never with anyone so amazing, so loving, so kind, so smart, so beautiful. I’m extremely fortunate to have met someone I want to share my life with.

Thank you for being you, M. I love you!

Happy Birthday, M!

Happy birthday to the world’s greatest, most beautiful, most intelligent, kindest, most thoughtful, most talented partner.

I feel incredibly lucky to have M in my life. Among many other things, she puts up with me and allows me to try out all my culinary creations on her. She makes every day a true joy.

I love you! Happy, happy birthday!

Protection

In some families, including mine, there’s this idea that if you’re gay, there are certain members of the family who can’t handle that fact. And so you are supposed to lie or at least omit facts and not worry people. In my case, this has to do with older and more conservative relatives.

So when M and I went on holiday recently, all I told some relatives was that I was going away with a friend. I don’t like lying and I don’t like downplaying M’s importance in my life. It all feels wrong. She’s my partner and she’s the woman I hope to be with for the rest of my days. Why should I be expected to hide that? I hate when my grandmother asks me if I’m dating anyone or if there’s anyone special in my life and I have to say no even though the truth is that there is someone very special in my life.

I guess some people worry that older relatives, such as grandparents, won’t get it and might find the news shocking. So we’re supposed to protect them. But I wonder who we’re really protecting. Are we protecting ourselves, because we don’t know how to broach the subject? Are we protecting our parents, because they don’t want our grandparents to think that they (i.e. our parents) didn’t know how to raise children and therefore ended up with gay ones? Are we genuinely protecting our grandparents because they’d find the thought of gay grandchildren so disturbing that they might disown us or even have heart attacks due to the shock? Is it some combination of all of these?

I suspect we’re doing ourselves a disservice but not being honest. We’re not allowing our grandparents (or whoever) to know who we really are or to be part of our lives. We’re missing out on a potentially stronger relationship with those who we are supposedly protecting. We’re denying them a chance to get to know our partners too.

If our parents’ generation thinks we shouldn’t tell our grandparents’ generation, then I for one will agree with what they think best. I’m not convinced by it, but maybe I’m following their advice because I want to protect myself and my relatives. Protection isn’t always the best thing, however.

Lesbian Hair Styles

About a month ago, I got a haircut, and it reminded me of all the assumptions that go with lesbians and hair. The idea is that if you’re a real dyke, you must have short hair. Hmm.

I dated one woman who thought I was too femme and was sure I’d leave her for a man. One reason why she thought this was because I had shoulder-length hair. As it happened, I left her for another woman -- one who appreciated my longish curls.

So why don’t I have short hair like a “real” lesbian? First of all, I don’t buy into the idea that you have to look and dress a certain way to be part of a community. Many people seem to believe that uniformity in appearance creates a community, but I think shared beliefs and values works even better. To be a lesbian, for example, all that’s required is that you are a woman (however you define woman) who’s attracted to other women. You don’t need to cut off all your hair and wear flannel lumberjack shirts to prove that you’re a gay woman.

And personally, I look pretty silly with very short hair. I get a big Jewfro going on and my nose sticks out like a beak. A bird with a mass of curls on its head is not a good look.

My recent haircut was slightly shorter than I would have liked, to be honest. My hair is now chin-length rather than shoulder-length and I can’t pull it back into a ponytail. But it’ll grow. And M seems to like it. Incidentally, my sweetheart has short hair. And some friends of mine complained that she was a “typical lesbian” because of her hairstyle and her clothes.

Too lesbian, not lesbian enough. It’s hard to win in the lesbian community. Maybe if we stopped criticizing others more and just concentrated on ourselves and our own appearances, our lesbian community might be stronger. And it also might look a bit better – some of the hairstyles I’ve seen on dykes have been pretty bad, after all.

By the way, check out Lesbian Hair.

200th Post

I’ve been posting on this blog since the beginning of October 2010, just over eight months ago, and this marks my 200th post. It’s amazing to think that I’ve made around 200 distinct recipes in that time. And it’s also exciting for me to think about all those wonderful months (and tasty dishes) I’ve shared with my fantastic partner, M.

I’ve been posting 5 or 6 times a week up until now, but I’ve been finding it hard to do, what with my full-time job and all (which is actually generally 60-80 hours a week), so I’ll probably start posting 2-3 times a week from now on. But as always, I hope to continue offering vegetarian meal suggestions for you to enjoy with your own friends and relatives, along with interesting quotes, reviews of books, films, and products, and references to other useful websites.

Thanks for reading this far!

Dykes with Veggies

While checking out the stats for my blog (they’ve gone up recently, thanks to a mention in Diva, which is the only magazine I’m aware of for lesbian and bi women in the UK), I noticed something interesting and a bit, um, worrying.

A number of people have Googled the phrase “dykes with veggies” and subsequently found this blog.

Fair enough, really. I’m a dyke who cooks vegetarian food, so there’s a certain amount of veggie-worship that takes place in Chez Veggie Dyke.

But I have a feeling that vegetarian recipes are not what these folks were looking for. I’m guessing they were hoping for some sexy pictures of “dykes” (probably straight women paid to pretend they’re gay) using carrots, cucumbers, aubergines, and other vegetables in place of dildos. I didn’t know there was a market for this kind of porn, but then again, there are all sorts of fetishes out there and the porn industry makes sure that there’s something for everyone.

Perhaps I should start posting pictures on this blog. But I suppose the pictures won’t satisfy those lusty Googlers even if the photos do indeed show dykes with veggies...

Gender Roles

Sometimes I joke that M and I are the stereotypical butch and femme. I do the cooking and she does all the DIY and anything that requires tools (other than kitchen tools, that is, and I won’t say a word about tools that can be used in bed). I wear skirts and dresses and high-heeled shoes to work fairly often, while she’s more likely to be in cargo trousers and sensible shoes. I have long hair and she has short hair. Etc.

But really that doesn’t say much about who we are, individually or as a couple. And I get annoyed when people wonder which of us “is the man” or when someone says that if we ever got married, clearly I’d wear a dress and she’d wear a suit. It just seems silly to me. Who decided what it means to be masculine/butch or feminine/femme anyway? Why does using a hammer make someone manly while boiling some pasta makes someone womanly?

I don’t like the idea that gay couples have one butch and one femme. Yes, I know some lesbians say they like their boys to be girls, or their girls to be boys, but that’s not how I am. I don’t want to imitate heterosexual relationships and I don’t want to feel like my behaviour has to challenge the hetero norm either (but if it does happen to challenge hets, that’s good). I am just attracted to a particular woman and I’m happy to play a variety of roles in our relationship. (Although I must admit that my beloved is in some ways a soft butch and ever since I met her, I’ve had found myself admiring other soft butch women. But that doesn’t mean I feel like I need to be with one or that I have to mould myself accordingly!)

But then we get to the issue of cooking. I’m told that cooking is very femme and thus I must “be the woman” if I do most of the cooking. I can point out, incidentally, that many well-known chefs are male, so I guess in our society, we feel like men can be professionals, but it’s women who have to do the cooking at home.

So am I the woman, because I cook most of our meals? Am I the femme who needs a big butch woman to protect her? Do I feel pressured to cook because of the gender roles in our society?

No, I don’t think so. I’m just someone who likes to cook and to feed her sweetheart. Luckily, my sweetheart doesn’t enjoy cooking, so we’re able to divide our labour at home fairly evenly. She has other skills and other hobbies. So I’ll happily stand at the stove and stir. That I do that doesn’t say anything much about my gender identity or about my role in our relationship.

Queer Lit

Much of the emphasis here at Veggie Dyke has been on the veggie part, i.e. I’ve posted lots of vegetarian recipes. While cooking and baking are major parts of my life, they aren’t everything. Literature is my other great love (in terms of career/hobbies; M is, obviously, my great romantic love). So I thought I would occasionally post about queer texts I’ve read; I spend a huge amount of my time reading, teaching, and researching literature, which means I know quite a few texts in what we might call the queer canon.

I’ll start with a book I’ve already mentioned once here, Alison Bechdel’s The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For. When I was first exposed to her comics, back in my days as an undergrad at a women’s college, I found them a bit threatening, probably because I was pretty closeted (I had girlfriends, but only ones who weren’t from my school, and I was careful about who knew about them). It was hard to fathom that there were women who lived happy and healthy out lives. I think, to be honest, I was jealous, just as I was jealous of all the women who marched off to the Rainbow Alliance meetings every week or who openly held their girlfriends’ hands on campus.

But here I am, over a decade later (that’s a frightening thought), with the most fantastic partner imaginable and a fairly happy and healthy out life of my own. So I’m in a better place to appreciate Bechdel’s work. I love the fact that her long-running comic is so diverse, although a more cynical person might accuse her of ticking lots of boxes (there are characters from everywhere on the LGBT spectrum, Jews, Muslims, Christians, a variety of socioeconomic classes, many different jobs, there’s a character with a disability, there are different sorts of relationships and families, lots of personality types, etc). Many people can see themselves in Bechdel’s work.

The drawing is well done (naturally), the writing is sometimes funny and sometimes moving and sometimes pedestrian, reflecting the realities of life (although Mo’s political rants do get a bit tiresome), and the story lines are interesting, even if they do move rather fast at times (but that’s probably how it has to be in comics). It’s fascinating to read The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For and notice how prescient Bechdel has been about world events and how her work has reflected the zeitgeist so well, even as it’s been firmly situated in the queer community.

I definitely recommend this book and in fact I plan to use it in my teaching next year. It is worth watching out for Bechdel’s work; you’ll be glad you did.

Dykes in Stripes

What is it about lesbians in striped shirts? I can’t be the only person to have noticed the dyke penchant for stripes, can I?

I was reading Alison Bechdel’s fantastic The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For (which I’m actually going to put on the reading list for a class I’m teaching) and a reader can’t help but remark upon the main character, Mo, and her fondness for striped shirts. That’s fair enough; it’s Mo’s personal style.

But look around you. At your next gender studies reading group or women’s gathering or at your next visit to the gay bar or some hot lesbian party, I guarantee you will see a number of women wearing stripes.

There are vertical stripes, like the pinstriped trousers I myself love wearing, and the thin stripes on waistcoats or sexy suits (I wish my sweetie would get a pinstriped suit one day, as she’d be hot in it, not that she isn’t hot in whatever she’s wearing, or not wearing!).

And there are horizontal stripes, too, especially on shirts, such as the ones Mo sports. Looking at Bechdel’s book, I started thinking about all the gay women I know and how stripes seem to proliferate in their wardrobes. My beloved has a lot of striped tops and even I have a few.

Why is this? Is there something especially dykey about stripes? Does it appeal to lesbians because it is one of the few non-girly patterns available?

Whatever it is, I like it, I admit it.

Vegetarians Who Eat Fish

I see a lot of people who say they are “vegetarians who eat fish” or are “pescatarians”. Eating and/or preparing fish is something I myself struggle with, as I live with a carnivore. I don’t think it’s right for me to inflict my own views on someone else, so I sometimes cook fish (though I wouldn’t cook meat, and of course that makes me wonder why that is my particular limit, and what makes fish okay (once in awhile) but meat not). Most of my friends eat meat, too, and some are picky eaters who are hard to satisfy or who have many objections to various food items. Since I love to cook and M and I occasionally entertain, that means I make food dishes at times.

I know some couples where the vegetarian half even cooks meat for the carnivorous one, but I confess that even the idea of having meat in the house, much less in my pots and pans, disturbs me. But then I know others where the carnivorous member/s of the family only eat meat when out at restaurants.

When M and I were away for the weekend, she had the full English breakfast, sausage and bacon included, each morning, while I had my vegetarian version (hoping my food hadn’t been made in the same pan) and tried not to feel too queasy at the thought of what was on her plate. But she “humoured” me by going to vegetarian restaurants with me and she usually eats my vegetarian food at home. Also, of course, she isn’t a vegetarian and I knew that when we got together, so I felt I had no right to say anything or feel sickened. Maybe I’m just oversensitive.

How do others deal with this? Will you cook fish and/or meat for friends or for omnivorous partners/relatives? How do you feel about them eating meat in front of you?

Ode to the Sous Chef

It was on this day that I met M, so I want to take a moment to write an ode to my beloved sous chef.

What is a sous chef? The sous chef (full title: sous-chef de cuisine) is the second-in-command in the kitchen. This is the person who works with the executive chef, helping, supporting, preparing, and generally doing everything that needs to be done. The kitchen simply wouldn’t function without the sous chef.

I do most of the cooking at home. But that doesn’t mean that M doesn’t play an essential role. She does most of the shopping and she is always eager to help chop vegetables and prepare the ingredients for me. She also cleans up, usually fixing the messes I’ve made. She takes out the rubbish much more often than I do. She takes care of things and makes sure everything is running smoothly around our little Veggie Dyke home. I wouldn’t get to have the fun cooking and baking that I do if it weren’t for her.

But that’s just in the kitchen. M plays this same role in general. She is always supporting and helping me. She never gets enough credit (just as the executive chef always gets the attention while the sous chef is underappreciated) and I probably don’t thank her enough or tell her often enough how great she is. She makes my life better in every possible way.

So here’s to my sous chef, my partner in the kitchen and everywhere else – I love you!

Flourless Chocolate Soufflés

A few years ago, I took a pottery course at a studio outside the city where I lived. Every week, we took turns bringing in treats that we had with tea halfway through the class. I noticed that one woman, who was gluten-intolerant, never got to partake in the desserts. So when it was my week to bring in the treats, I determined to bring something everything could eat.

I decided to make flourless dark chocolate muffins/cupcakes. So I created this recipe and brought the treats to class. The woman was shocked and touched that she could finally be part of our class snack. Frankly, I was surprised no one had bothered to consider her before (the same people had been taking the class for years together; I was the only new student, and I was also the youngest by about, oh, 30 years).

If you pour the batter into ramekins and bake them just before serving them, they puff up beautifully as soufflés, and this sight often impresses guests, which is why I made them last weekend when M and I had friends over for dinner. But, as I did a few years ago, you can also make them as muffins/cupcakes and bring them along to an event. Either way, people will be pleasantly surprised to learn that this treat is completely gluten-free.

Ingredients:
200 g dark chocolate (50-75% cacao)
130 g butter
¾ cup sugar
pinch of salt
4 eggs, room temperature
optional flavouring (almond, vanilla, cognac, chile, cinnamon, etc)
whipped cream to serve with it

Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 180 C.
2. Break chocolate into pieces and melt it with the butter in the microwave or on the stove.
3. Add the sugar and salt to the melted mixture. Remove from the heat and let cool down.
4. While cooling, beat the eggs.
5. When the mixture is cool, add the eggs and blend.
6. Add any flavourings now or else in step 8 (if flavouring them individually).
7. Spoon the batter into ramekins or muffin papers or tins.
8. Add any flavourings desired individually.
9. Bake for 10-12 minutes.
10. Serve warm. Whipped cream or other cream can go well.

Baked Gnocchi with Carmelised Onions and Cheddar

Last weekend M and I had some friends over for dinner. I wanted to have as much of the meal prepared in advance as possible. No one wants the stress of having people there and yet having to rush off to the kitchen to chop or stir or whatever. A leisurely evening is much more pleasant.

For the side dish, I made baked gnocchi with carmelised onions and cheddar. In the afternoon, I carmelised the onions and put the dish together. Then, as we were eating the first course, all I had to do was turn the oven on.

I used to make this dish often for two friends when I lived in another city. It’s so simple but for whatever reason it appealed to them. Since moving to the city where I live now, I think I have only made it once before. That’s because it always makes me think of those two friends and now that it’s been over half a year since I’ve seen them and since they don’t seem to want to keep the friendship up much anymore, the dish has become imbued with sad memories. However, I decided to make it over the weekend as a way of creating positive new memories associated with the dish. It’s amazing how just the sight or smell or even thought of a particular recipe can bring up such powerful feelings. I miss those friends a lot, but it was nice to see these new friends eating this dish. I felt less sad then.

Ingredients:
2 red onions
oil
sugar
2 packages gnocchi
100 g cheddar

Instructions:
1. Peel and dice the onions. Sweat them in oil, then add sugar. Carmelise the onions.
2. Oil an oven-safe dish. Add one package of gnocchi, then mix in half the onions.
3. Chop the cheddar and sprinkle half of it over the gnocchi.
4. Add the other package of gnocchi and mix in the rest of the onions and cheese.
5. Bake at 200 C for about 30 minutes, stirring once about halfway through.

Vegetarianism at the Holidays

Ah, holidays. Time for family, friends, overeating, and, um, stress. At least that’s what I find, and apparently a lot of other people feel the same way.

One cause of stress can be if you are the only vegetarian at the holiday meal (or if you are one of just a few vegetarians). Now, some hosts are accommodating and will happily make a meat-free dish or two. But some hosts find this very difficult and/or upsetting. So if I’m invited somewhere, I usually offer to bring a dish that I can eat. That eases some strain on people who can’t possibly imagine what a vegetarian might eat (even though those same people make plenty of vegetable-based dishes, of course; it’s just that they consider them to be side dishes, not main courses).

One things that’s often overlooked, as people are quick to complain about vegetarians’ “strange” eating habits or “demanding” needs, is that for vegetarians, it can be difficult to look at the table laden with animal products and to watch people, sometimes even people they love, shove dead animals parts in between their teeth. Most of us manage not to show our disgust or to give lectures, but it can be hard at times.

Holidays can be hard in and of themselves – we’ve all experienced the alcoholic relative or the arguing couple or the burnt meal – but we should all try to show a bit more sensitivity. If you’re the vegetarian guest, bring your own dish and don’t lecture people about health and morality. If you’re the host of a vegetarian, make sure you have enough vegetable-based or tofu-based dishes, and have a generous cheese tray, and also remember that your vegetarian guest might be struggling too.

It’s the holidays. If we can’t be cheerful, at least we can be kind. Right?

Happy Birthday, M

This blog is a somewhat strange mixture of recipe posts and love letters to my beloved M. Today it’s her birthday and so I just want to use the blog to wish her a very happy birthday and to tell her that I love her.

M is the best and I’m really lucky to have met her. Happy birthday, M! I hope this will be your best year ever.