About a month ago, I got a haircut, and it reminded me of all the assumptions that go with lesbians and hair. The idea is that if you’re a real dyke, you must have short hair. Hmm.
I dated one woman who thought I was too femme and was sure I’d leave her for a man. One reason why she thought this was because I had shoulder-length hair. As it happened, I left her for another woman -- one who appreciated my longish curls.
So why don’t I have short hair like a “real” lesbian? First of all, I don’t buy into the idea that you have to look and dress a certain way to be part of a community. Many people seem to believe that uniformity in appearance creates a community, but I think shared beliefs and values works even better. To be a lesbian, for example, all that’s required is that you are a woman (however you define woman) who’s attracted to other women. You don’t need to cut off all your hair and wear flannel lumberjack shirts to prove that you’re a gay woman.
And personally, I look pretty silly with very short hair. I get a big Jewfro going on and my nose sticks out like a beak. A bird with a mass of curls on its head is not a good look.
My recent haircut was slightly shorter than I would have liked, to be honest. My hair is now chin-length rather than shoulder-length and I can’t pull it back into a ponytail. But it’ll grow. And M seems to like it. Incidentally, my sweetheart has short hair. And some friends of mine complained that she was a “typical lesbian” because of her hairstyle and her clothes.
Too lesbian, not lesbian enough. It’s hard to win in the lesbian community. Maybe if we stopped criticizing others more and just concentrated on ourselves and our own appearances, our lesbian community might be stronger. And it also might look a bit better – some of the hairstyles I’ve seen on dykes have been pretty bad, after all.
By the way, check out Lesbian Hair.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Monday, 4 July 2011
Sunday, 20 March 2011
Dykes in Stripes
What is it about lesbians in striped shirts? I can’t be the only person to have noticed the dyke penchant for stripes, can I?
I was reading Alison Bechdel’s fantastic The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For (which I’m actually going to put on the reading list for a class I’m teaching) and a reader can’t help but remark upon the main character, Mo, and her fondness for striped shirts. That’s fair enough; it’s Mo’s personal style.
But look around you. At your next gender studies reading group or women’s gathering or at your next visit to the gay bar or some hot lesbian party, I guarantee you will see a number of women wearing stripes.
There are vertical stripes, like the pinstriped trousers I myself love wearing, and the thin stripes on waistcoats or sexy suits (I wish my sweetie would get a pinstriped suit one day, as she’d be hot in it, not that she isn’t hot in whatever she’s wearing, or not wearing!).
And there are horizontal stripes, too, especially on shirts, such as the ones Mo sports. Looking at Bechdel’s book, I started thinking about all the gay women I know and how stripes seem to proliferate in their wardrobes. My beloved has a lot of striped tops and even I have a few.
Why is this? Is there something especially dykey about stripes? Does it appeal to lesbians because it is one of the few non-girly patterns available?
Whatever it is, I like it, I admit it.
I was reading Alison Bechdel’s fantastic The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For (which I’m actually going to put on the reading list for a class I’m teaching) and a reader can’t help but remark upon the main character, Mo, and her fondness for striped shirts. That’s fair enough; it’s Mo’s personal style.
But look around you. At your next gender studies reading group or women’s gathering or at your next visit to the gay bar or some hot lesbian party, I guarantee you will see a number of women wearing stripes.
There are vertical stripes, like the pinstriped trousers I myself love wearing, and the thin stripes on waistcoats or sexy suits (I wish my sweetie would get a pinstriped suit one day, as she’d be hot in it, not that she isn’t hot in whatever she’s wearing, or not wearing!).
And there are horizontal stripes, too, especially on shirts, such as the ones Mo sports. Looking at Bechdel’s book, I started thinking about all the gay women I know and how stripes seem to proliferate in their wardrobes. My beloved has a lot of striped tops and even I have a few.
Why is this? Is there something especially dykey about stripes? Does it appeal to lesbians because it is one of the few non-girly patterns available?
Whatever it is, I like it, I admit it.
Monday, 7 March 2011
Vegetarians Who Eat Fish
I see a lot of people who say they are “vegetarians who eat fish” or are “pescatarians”. Eating and/or preparing fish is something I myself struggle with, as I live with a carnivore. I don’t think it’s right for me to inflict my own views on someone else, so I sometimes cook fish (though I wouldn’t cook meat, and of course that makes me wonder why that is my particular limit, and what makes fish okay (once in awhile) but meat not). Most of my friends eat meat, too, and some are picky eaters who are hard to satisfy or who have many objections to various food items. Since I love to cook and M and I occasionally entertain, that means I make food dishes at times.
I know some couples where the vegetarian half even cooks meat for the carnivorous one, but I confess that even the idea of having meat in the house, much less in my pots and pans, disturbs me. But then I know others where the carnivorous member/s of the family only eat meat when out at restaurants.
When M and I were away for the weekend, she had the full English breakfast, sausage and bacon included, each morning, while I had my vegetarian version (hoping my food hadn’t been made in the same pan) and tried not to feel too queasy at the thought of what was on her plate. But she “humoured” me by going to vegetarian restaurants with me and she usually eats my vegetarian food at home. Also, of course, she isn’t a vegetarian and I knew that when we got together, so I felt I had no right to say anything or feel sickened. Maybe I’m just oversensitive.
How do others deal with this? Will you cook fish and/or meat for friends or for omnivorous partners/relatives? How do you feel about them eating meat in front of you?
I know some couples where the vegetarian half even cooks meat for the carnivorous one, but I confess that even the idea of having meat in the house, much less in my pots and pans, disturbs me. But then I know others where the carnivorous member/s of the family only eat meat when out at restaurants.
When M and I were away for the weekend, she had the full English breakfast, sausage and bacon included, each morning, while I had my vegetarian version (hoping my food hadn’t been made in the same pan) and tried not to feel too queasy at the thought of what was on her plate. But she “humoured” me by going to vegetarian restaurants with me and she usually eats my vegetarian food at home. Also, of course, she isn’t a vegetarian and I knew that when we got together, so I felt I had no right to say anything or feel sickened. Maybe I’m just oversensitive.
How do others deal with this? Will you cook fish and/or meat for friends or for omnivorous partners/relatives? How do you feel about them eating meat in front of you?
Monday, 31 January 2011
Watercress and Potato Soup
I posted a couple of recipes that I made when M and I had friends over for dinner last week. M made the soup and it is in fact the same soup she made on my birthday. It is a tasty and healthy watercress soup, thickened with potatoes. So I’m turning this post over to M:
This is a recipe of Delia’s, so can be found on her website but I think it’s worth repeating here as it turned out so well (note from Veggie Dyke: M didn’t follow the recipe exactly, which means it’s not the same recipe as Delia’s. Even one changes means it is your own recipe!).
The lack of a measuring jug meant it turned out a touch watery the second time round. This was overcome by the addition of some cream, but the recipe must be quite sensitive so be careful to stick to the amounts stated.
Ingredients:
1 large onion
25 g butter (plus one teaspoon)
175g watercress
350 g potato (2 baking potatoes)
½ pint milk
¾ pint vegetable stock
salt to taste
pepper to taste
a little lemon juice
a little cream as needed
Instructions:
1. Chop the onion. Melt the 25 g of butter and gently heat the onion so that it cooks but doesn't brown (takes about 5 minutes).
2. Add 110g of the watercress, cover and leave it to sweat for 15 minutes (it makes things easier at the final stages to chop the watercress stalks into small pieces).
3. Meanwhile, chop the potato and put it in another pan with boiling water (and salt according to Delia), and boil for 10 minutes until tender.
4. Drain potatoes and return to pan.
5. Add teaspoon of butter and a splash of the milk, and whisk until very smooth (ideally with a hand blender).
6. Add stock and remaining milk and watercress to the watercress pan.
7. Whisk in mash so that it’s well blended.
8. Season, and simmer gently for another 10 minutes.
9. Liquidise, add lemon juice, and check seasoning. Add cream if desired.
10. Re-heat gently before serving.
11. Ta-da!
This is a recipe of Delia’s, so can be found on her website but I think it’s worth repeating here as it turned out so well (note from Veggie Dyke: M didn’t follow the recipe exactly, which means it’s not the same recipe as Delia’s. Even one changes means it is your own recipe!).
The lack of a measuring jug meant it turned out a touch watery the second time round. This was overcome by the addition of some cream, but the recipe must be quite sensitive so be careful to stick to the amounts stated.
Ingredients:
1 large onion
25 g butter (plus one teaspoon)
175g watercress
350 g potato (2 baking potatoes)
½ pint milk
¾ pint vegetable stock
salt to taste
pepper to taste
a little lemon juice
a little cream as needed
Instructions:
1. Chop the onion. Melt the 25 g of butter and gently heat the onion so that it cooks but doesn't brown (takes about 5 minutes).
2. Add 110g of the watercress, cover and leave it to sweat for 15 minutes (it makes things easier at the final stages to chop the watercress stalks into small pieces).
3. Meanwhile, chop the potato and put it in another pan with boiling water (and salt according to Delia), and boil for 10 minutes until tender.
4. Drain potatoes and return to pan.
5. Add teaspoon of butter and a splash of the milk, and whisk until very smooth (ideally with a hand blender).
6. Add stock and remaining milk and watercress to the watercress pan.
7. Whisk in mash so that it’s well blended.
8. Season, and simmer gently for another 10 minutes.
9. Liquidise, add lemon juice, and check seasoning. Add cream if desired.
10. Re-heat gently before serving.
11. Ta-da!
Saturday, 29 January 2011
Flourless Chocolate Soufflés
A few years ago, I took a pottery course at a studio outside the city where I lived. Every week, we took turns bringing in treats that we had with tea halfway through the class. I noticed that one woman, who was gluten-intolerant, never got to partake in the desserts. So when it was my week to bring in the treats, I determined to bring something everything could eat.
I decided to make flourless dark chocolate muffins/cupcakes. So I created this recipe and brought the treats to class. The woman was shocked and touched that she could finally be part of our class snack. Frankly, I was surprised no one had bothered to consider her before (the same people had been taking the class for years together; I was the only new student, and I was also the youngest by about, oh, 30 years).
If you pour the batter into ramekins and bake them just before serving them, they puff up beautifully as soufflés, and this sight often impresses guests, which is why I made them last weekend when M and I had friends over for dinner. But, as I did a few years ago, you can also make them as muffins/cupcakes and bring them along to an event. Either way, people will be pleasantly surprised to learn that this treat is completely gluten-free.
Ingredients:
200 g dark chocolate (50-75% cacao)
130 g butter
¾ cup sugar
pinch of salt
4 eggs, room temperature
optional flavouring (almond, vanilla, cognac, chile, cinnamon, etc)
whipped cream to serve with it
Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 180 C.
2. Break chocolate into pieces and melt it with the butter in the microwave or on the stove.
3. Add the sugar and salt to the melted mixture. Remove from the heat and let cool down.
4. While cooling, beat the eggs.
5. When the mixture is cool, add the eggs and blend.
6. Add any flavourings now or else in step 8 (if flavouring them individually).
7. Spoon the batter into ramekins or muffin papers or tins.
8. Add any flavourings desired individually.
9. Bake for 10-12 minutes.
10. Serve warm. Whipped cream or other cream can go well.
I decided to make flourless dark chocolate muffins/cupcakes. So I created this recipe and brought the treats to class. The woman was shocked and touched that she could finally be part of our class snack. Frankly, I was surprised no one had bothered to consider her before (the same people had been taking the class for years together; I was the only new student, and I was also the youngest by about, oh, 30 years).
If you pour the batter into ramekins and bake them just before serving them, they puff up beautifully as soufflés, and this sight often impresses guests, which is why I made them last weekend when M and I had friends over for dinner. But, as I did a few years ago, you can also make them as muffins/cupcakes and bring them along to an event. Either way, people will be pleasantly surprised to learn that this treat is completely gluten-free.
Ingredients:
200 g dark chocolate (50-75% cacao)
130 g butter
¾ cup sugar
pinch of salt
4 eggs, room temperature
optional flavouring (almond, vanilla, cognac, chile, cinnamon, etc)
whipped cream to serve with it
Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 180 C.
2. Break chocolate into pieces and melt it with the butter in the microwave or on the stove.
3. Add the sugar and salt to the melted mixture. Remove from the heat and let cool down.
4. While cooling, beat the eggs.
5. When the mixture is cool, add the eggs and blend.
6. Add any flavourings now or else in step 8 (if flavouring them individually).
7. Spoon the batter into ramekins or muffin papers or tins.
8. Add any flavourings desired individually.
9. Bake for 10-12 minutes.
10. Serve warm. Whipped cream or other cream can go well.
Friday, 28 January 2011
Baked Gnocchi with Carmelised Onions and Cheddar
Last weekend M and I had some friends over for dinner. I wanted to have as much of the meal prepared in advance as possible. No one wants the stress of having people there and yet having to rush off to the kitchen to chop or stir or whatever. A leisurely evening is much more pleasant.
For the side dish, I made baked gnocchi with carmelised onions and cheddar. In the afternoon, I carmelised the onions and put the dish together. Then, as we were eating the first course, all I had to do was turn the oven on.
I used to make this dish often for two friends when I lived in another city. It’s so simple but for whatever reason it appealed to them. Since moving to the city where I live now, I think I have only made it once before. That’s because it always makes me think of those two friends and now that it’s been over half a year since I’ve seen them and since they don’t seem to want to keep the friendship up much anymore, the dish has become imbued with sad memories. However, I decided to make it over the weekend as a way of creating positive new memories associated with the dish. It’s amazing how just the sight or smell or even thought of a particular recipe can bring up such powerful feelings. I miss those friends a lot, but it was nice to see these new friends eating this dish. I felt less sad then.
Ingredients:
2 red onions
oil
sugar
2 packages gnocchi
100 g cheddar
Instructions:
1. Peel and dice the onions. Sweat them in oil, then add sugar. Carmelise the onions.
2. Oil an oven-safe dish. Add one package of gnocchi, then mix in half the onions.
3. Chop the cheddar and sprinkle half of it over the gnocchi.
4. Add the other package of gnocchi and mix in the rest of the onions and cheese.
5. Bake at 200 C for about 30 minutes, stirring once about halfway through.
For the side dish, I made baked gnocchi with carmelised onions and cheddar. In the afternoon, I carmelised the onions and put the dish together. Then, as we were eating the first course, all I had to do was turn the oven on.
I used to make this dish often for two friends when I lived in another city. It’s so simple but for whatever reason it appealed to them. Since moving to the city where I live now, I think I have only made it once before. That’s because it always makes me think of those two friends and now that it’s been over half a year since I’ve seen them and since they don’t seem to want to keep the friendship up much anymore, the dish has become imbued with sad memories. However, I decided to make it over the weekend as a way of creating positive new memories associated with the dish. It’s amazing how just the sight or smell or even thought of a particular recipe can bring up such powerful feelings. I miss those friends a lot, but it was nice to see these new friends eating this dish. I felt less sad then.
Ingredients:
2 red onions
oil
sugar
2 packages gnocchi
100 g cheddar
Instructions:
1. Peel and dice the onions. Sweat them in oil, then add sugar. Carmelise the onions.
2. Oil an oven-safe dish. Add one package of gnocchi, then mix in half the onions.
3. Chop the cheddar and sprinkle half of it over the gnocchi.
4. Add the other package of gnocchi and mix in the rest of the onions and cheese.
5. Bake at 200 C for about 30 minutes, stirring once about halfway through.
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Vegetarianism at the Holidays
Ah, holidays. Time for family, friends, overeating, and, um, stress. At least that’s what I find, and apparently a lot of other people feel the same way.
One cause of stress can be if you are the only vegetarian at the holiday meal (or if you are one of just a few vegetarians). Now, some hosts are accommodating and will happily make a meat-free dish or two. But some hosts find this very difficult and/or upsetting. So if I’m invited somewhere, I usually offer to bring a dish that I can eat. That eases some strain on people who can’t possibly imagine what a vegetarian might eat (even though those same people make plenty of vegetable-based dishes, of course; it’s just that they consider them to be side dishes, not main courses).
One things that’s often overlooked, as people are quick to complain about vegetarians’ “strange” eating habits or “demanding” needs, is that for vegetarians, it can be difficult to look at the table laden with animal products and to watch people, sometimes even people they love, shove dead animals parts in between their teeth. Most of us manage not to show our disgust or to give lectures, but it can be hard at times.
Holidays can be hard in and of themselves – we’ve all experienced the alcoholic relative or the arguing couple or the burnt meal – but we should all try to show a bit more sensitivity. If you’re the vegetarian guest, bring your own dish and don’t lecture people about health and morality. If you’re the host of a vegetarian, make sure you have enough vegetable-based or tofu-based dishes, and have a generous cheese tray, and also remember that your vegetarian guest might be struggling too.
It’s the holidays. If we can’t be cheerful, at least we can be kind. Right?
One cause of stress can be if you are the only vegetarian at the holiday meal (or if you are one of just a few vegetarians). Now, some hosts are accommodating and will happily make a meat-free dish or two. But some hosts find this very difficult and/or upsetting. So if I’m invited somewhere, I usually offer to bring a dish that I can eat. That eases some strain on people who can’t possibly imagine what a vegetarian might eat (even though those same people make plenty of vegetable-based dishes, of course; it’s just that they consider them to be side dishes, not main courses).
One things that’s often overlooked, as people are quick to complain about vegetarians’ “strange” eating habits or “demanding” needs, is that for vegetarians, it can be difficult to look at the table laden with animal products and to watch people, sometimes even people they love, shove dead animals parts in between their teeth. Most of us manage not to show our disgust or to give lectures, but it can be hard at times.
Holidays can be hard in and of themselves – we’ve all experienced the alcoholic relative or the arguing couple or the burnt meal – but we should all try to show a bit more sensitivity. If you’re the vegetarian guest, bring your own dish and don’t lecture people about health and morality. If you’re the host of a vegetarian, make sure you have enough vegetable-based or tofu-based dishes, and have a generous cheese tray, and also remember that your vegetarian guest might be struggling too.
It’s the holidays. If we can’t be cheerful, at least we can be kind. Right?
Sunday, 12 December 2010
Sachertorte
A friend of ours invited us to a murder mystery evening. I’ve never been to one of those before and it sounds like it could either be very silly or else quite a bit of fun. Or maybe both.
No matter how the murder mystery part of the night goes, we do know we’re going to have good food. And I’m to bring the cake. So I baked a Sachertorte, that Viennese classic. It sounds hard to make, but it’s actually quite simple. Served in thin slices with a bit of whipped cream, it is an impressive dessert.
I first had Sachertorte when I was visiting friends in Vienna one cold week in February. We walked around and they took me to all the lovely coffee shops in the city and we chatted over coffee and cake. It was delicious.
Ingredients:
butter to grease the cake tin
200 g dark chocolate
200 g butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
1.5 cups sugar
2 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
5 eggs
apricot jam
about 50 g more dark chocolate
whipped cream to serve with it
Instructions:
1. Grease the cake tin. Melt the chocolate and butter over low heat, stirring frequently.
2. Add the vanilla, sugar, flour, and baking powder, and mix well.
3. Separate the eggs. Add the yolks to the mixture. Whisk the egg whites well, then gently fold them in.
4. Bake for 40 min at 180 C. Let the cake cool completely, then cut it in half lengthwise. Fill the centre with jam, spreading it until smooth. Then replace the top half of the cake.
5. Melt the other 50 g of chocolate and spread it over the top and sides of the cake. Serve with whipped cream.
No matter how the murder mystery part of the night goes, we do know we’re going to have good food. And I’m to bring the cake. So I baked a Sachertorte, that Viennese classic. It sounds hard to make, but it’s actually quite simple. Served in thin slices with a bit of whipped cream, it is an impressive dessert.
I first had Sachertorte when I was visiting friends in Vienna one cold week in February. We walked around and they took me to all the lovely coffee shops in the city and we chatted over coffee and cake. It was delicious.
Ingredients:
butter to grease the cake tin
200 g dark chocolate
200 g butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
1.5 cups sugar
2 cups flour
2 tsp baking powder
5 eggs
apricot jam
about 50 g more dark chocolate
whipped cream to serve with it
Instructions:
1. Grease the cake tin. Melt the chocolate and butter over low heat, stirring frequently.
2. Add the vanilla, sugar, flour, and baking powder, and mix well.
3. Separate the eggs. Add the yolks to the mixture. Whisk the egg whites well, then gently fold them in.
4. Bake for 40 min at 180 C. Let the cake cool completely, then cut it in half lengthwise. Fill the centre with jam, spreading it until smooth. Then replace the top half of the cake.
5. Melt the other 50 g of chocolate and spread it over the top and sides of the cake. Serve with whipped cream.
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