A Woman's Place

Why are home cooks mostly women and professional chefs mostly men? Why is cooking for one’s loved ones still considered to be such a feminine activity, while cooking for money is masculine? Why is one deserving of respect whereas the other one is simply expected?

I certainly have no pretensions of being an amazing cook and I have no desire to cook professionally, but I do consider my cooking and baking to be more than a hobby or something I’m supposed to do, because I’m female. It’s a creative outlet, combined with a way of showing people that I care for them. Feeding someone is the most basic thing you can do for another person, and it means you are keeping that person alive, nurturing and nourishing at the same time. But we don’t respect this, unless it’s done under the auspices of an event, by which I mean a gourmet meal in a restaurant. And in that case, it’s almost always prepared by a man, who is considered an artiste.

The one thing I ever remember my father making for me was a sandwich. On Saturdays, when my mother was at work, he sometimes made me a warm sandwich – meat, cheese, lettuce, tomato, and mayo all stuffed between two slices of bread and warmed in the microwave until the lettuce was wilted and the cheese melted. All these years later, that dish still sticks with me. And meanwhile, my mother cooked for me every day. She made me breakfast, packed my lunches for school, and cooked a nutritious, if meat-heavy, meal every evening. I could name some of her dishes, but they don’t really say as much about her as that sandwich does about my father. Because my mother was the woman, and she was supposed to feed her family. All my father had to do was bring home the bacon in a metaphorical sense, not cook it (I am not sure he’d even know how). So the fact that once in awhile he entered my mother’s zone and made me a sandwich is memorable. And this seems awfully unfair to me, but it’s still the way things are to a great extent.

So here I am, doing what’s expected of me, making meals for my loved ones. Am I just being a typical female? Have I been tricked into thinking I like to spend time in the kitchen? Well, no, I’d like to think not. Obviously, I have to cook, in order to survive, but I choose to cook tasty, healthy meals that might require a bit more time and effort. And, perhaps more importantly, I choose to make meals for other people. I do this to show them that they matter to me. And to take care of them. And sometimes I do it to show off my creativity too. It’s not only men who know how to combine ingredients in new and unexpected ways; women can and do have fun with food too. And we deserve respect for that.

Maybe I should start charging people who come for dinner at my place!